How can a writer floundering through an existential crisis inspire herself to keep writing, let alone encourage you, the reader? You got me.
Let's get real. I'm tired. I've been at this game a while now, and at my "real" job of raising a family a whole lot longer. Most of it is hard work. Much of it I love, and some really sucks. Several tasks have gotten easier with time, but just when I get the knack and think I've finally mastered either writing or life, the rules change. It seems like I'm forever playing catch up; on sleep, on marketing, on word counts, and always on being a good mom/human. I'm hard on myself, yeah, but I'm hard on everyone else too, so it's only fair, I guess.
Self-pity makes me teary. I don't like wallowing despite the depth of my current state of self-loathing, but time and again, I crawl back into this dreaded pit that takes me twice as long to tunnel my way out of. (Yes, I know I ended that sentence in a preposition; I don't care!) I have enough mom guilt for a dozen moms, and writer's block on top of that. When you add the age factor, outside commitments, the stress of trying to put kids through college (and parenting young adults- yikes!), and me still not making a dent in the family finances except to deplete them, it all adds up to more than I can shoulder. Today, anyhow.
So, how does this whine-fest help anyone? Why would I bother to blog when all I can do is moan?
Sometimes all we need to hear is that we're not alone, that someone else understands. That they've been where we are, and believe things will get better. Your story might be different, but "the pits" are common territory. Whatever put you down here, please know that you have company. You may not have anyone reaching down to pull you up. You may have to get up under your own power. I write this from our shared pit to bolster you, both of us struggling, because I know - if I choose to - I will get back to where the sun shines again. I want to see you there.
Let's dig our way out together.