I wish I could take credit for that saying, but I can't. It belongs to Anonymous, who, by the way, is one smart cookie! The actual quote I heard today was this: "The most influential person in your life is the one you can't forgive." But, if my foray into the publishing world has taught me anything, it is that having the will to do something is the necessary first step. How often have you heard someone say (or said to yourself) "I can't do this!"? As an art teacher, I hear it all the time. I show my students a piece of artwork, or demonstrate a new technique, and some of them groan and bemoan their lack of ability. Then, they actually try and find out they aren't as horribly inept as they thought they were. Some even surprise themselves with how well they do. I'm pretty good at a lot of things, including forgiving people for just about anything, mostly because I am willing to try. I am not a grudge holder, which contributes positively to my overall sense of well-being. The one person I do have a hard time letting off the hook is...myself. So, am I the monkey on my own back? Well, yes - when viewed in light of the featured quote. I am the one who has the most influence over my life - for good or ill. It is my choice to harbor resentment - even if it is toward myself - or to let it go. It is all in my mind! Whether you are your own worst enemy, or have allowed someone else that power over you, are you willing to have it stop? Lucky for me, I was finally able to forgive my failures - the false starts, the wasted self-pity, the perfectionistic need for all stars to align, the doubt in my own abilities - and start afresh. Moving forward without the monkey on my back allowed me to focus on my goals and other aspects of life that I could actually influence. Three novels and four successfully launched young adults later, I am moving into the next phase of life with renewed optimism. How about you? Are you being reined in by the monkey on your back? Sure, some people have done awful things; there are also those who just screw up, ignore opportunities, or act badly in the heat of the moment. Either way, while you don't have to allow more of the same, here's hoping that you can stop letting the past hurt you again, and again, and again. That you will forgive them/yourself, and move forward unencumbered. It will be the best gift you can give yourself. ***** Wishing you all a very Happy Belated Thanksgiving! We enjoyed turkey comas with three of our five children, and look forward to having all (plus some) home for Christmas. In case I get lazy, or too busy to post again before then - Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year, too! (P.S. Not my photo either, but a darn perfect fit, wouldn't you say? {There are a surprising number of cats with monkeys on their backs online!} And, please don't sue me for using it; I didn't know how to ask, and I don't have enough to make it worth the effort. Anonymous picture taker, I give you full credit!)
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Being a writer is not only my dream, it's what I feel called to do. Compelled, if you will, like metal to a magnet, despite being equally repelled by the marketing end of things. This standoff between attraction/repulsion makes for a lot of waffling on my part. Am I a writer, or just a faker- someone who dabbles, and then retreats to the safety of doable, yet less fulfilling work when the going gets tough? My husband - lucky man! - is a contented type, not driven though hard-working, happy in the same job for his entire career through all its ups and downs. Yet... even he is struggling a bit as he looks toward retirement, wondering what he'll do with himself. At least, he reminds me, I have ambitions. What I'm often short on is grit. Good ol' suck-it-up and do the hard stuff attitude. I can preach it, but can't quite reach it. Part of me wants to settle in on this plateau, learn to love what I'm doing now for work, instead of just like it. The other part of me rails against the idea that what I feel is my most valuable potential contribution to the world isn't as profitable as my "day job". So, what do I do? Where am I going? Looking out over where I have been vs. where I would like to go, there is a lot of landscape yet to be conquered. Here at the midway point, the journey still seems unbelievably daunting. But, my husband is right: at least I have a destination in mind. Always - since early childhood - had it in mind. How do I get there from here? I take the next step. I won't always see the finish line - heck! I may not even see a clear path! I might stumble over my own feet, and fall flat on my face. But, if I get up, if I keep going, I will at least get closer to that mountaintop. Because, even with a destination in mind, it really is all about the journey. |
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